You know that feeling when you walk into a closet and you don't end up in Narnia? It's kinda irritating seeing dead ends and not talking Lions.
Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope…and that enables you to understand, realize and eventually laugh at all of life’s realities.
So I am, like any other person, a human being who has a secret world inside of me. No matter how dull and boring I am on the outside, inside me, I’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe. And I usually hang out in that world, where everyone has to be infinite, because all is in my imagination.
I, as a typical casualty of the humanity, have been a witness to all the experience a person can actually have to coincide with life. And you can’t just face it with a dim light of ignorance, alone and numb, you versus your life, your existence, your occurrence.
So, I have been escaping all though-out without people knowing, and sometimes, even without me knowing. I tend to play in the world I thought it was authentic and true, and then all of a sudden I came to realize, I just have escaped in the place where we call reality.
That is the reason why all of a sudden, I want to be all alone. And I’ve been doing this since the day I found out of making it by mixing a dash of light, a pint of colors, a tablespoon of sweets, and a gallon of imagination. Yes, in the midst of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer. Sometimes, I just have to write all of my random thoughts in a blank page, spill all my self-professed trash. Because I just can’t take looking at me to be sad, feeling all so bad and nostalgic for the day, for at least I can feel special even in my own ways, even if others can’t see it to me.
November 28, 2010
So I am, like any other person, a human being who has a secret world inside of me. No matter how dull and boring I am on the outside, inside me, I’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe. And I usually hang out in that world, where everyone has to be infinite, because all is in my imagination.
I, as a typical casualty of the humanity, have been a witness to all the experience a person can actually have to coincide with life. And you can’t just face it with a dim light of ignorance, alone and numb, you versus your life, your existence, your occurrence.
So, I have been escaping all though-out without people knowing, and sometimes, even without me knowing. I tend to play in the world I thought it was authentic and true, and then all of a sudden I came to realize, I just have escaped in the place where we call reality.
That is the reason why all of a sudden, I want to be all alone. And I’ve been doing this since the day I found out of making it by mixing a dash of light, a pint of colors, a tablespoon of sweets, and a gallon of imagination. Yes, in the midst of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer. Sometimes, I just have to write all of my random thoughts in a blank page, spill all my self-professed trash. Because I just can’t take looking at me to be sad, feeling all so bad and nostalgic for the day, for at least I can feel special even in my own ways, even if others can’t see it to me.
November 28, 2010
I decided to walk alone and visit the world I want to live to. The road was dark and rough. Deep into that darkness peering, long I walked there, wondering, fearing, doubting, and dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. I grew bored so I drew a happy monster that I can talk to. It has tiny wings and has a little light on his head. And when I was on the end of the road, I put down my bag and made a platform from my thoughts. At that moment, I wanted to unlock myself from the chamber and say a single phrase. Without even thinking twice, with delighted eyes and a confident smile, I speak…”the show begins”.
Sometimes I find the understanding of myself relevant, even it is a futile thing for me to be aware of. Because no one and nothing can free me but my own understanding. Inside of me, I have the longing to be understood by someone who really cares, because a person who is understood can put up anything in this world. People now just have to judge one another without the frontal questions and thinking. And I’m afraid if everyone would just wouldn’t believe me, or trust me after I explain everything.
At these moments, I’m physically and mentally alone. I know that, and I don’t want to share my thought because I know, no one wants to come with me whenever I have to do whatever thing is on my mind. It has been an exclusive tour. Somebody find it hideous, ridiculous, but I find it so much fun and adventurous. Distorting reality is first and foremost, a backdoor to all the fierceness life can offer. It is the escapegoat to all the things not good, for even just in an hour, I can be the actor of my own show, the protagonist of my own world, the director of my own program, the playwright of my own production.
But I have to leave it, the limelight off, the red curtains dropping down, and as I held my breath and close my eyes, the show stops, and face the world where I am suppose to live. The world I am officially and legally belong to. The world where you face all the tests and disputes because no matter how you put it, you’re gonna fall and it’s scary as hell. Except, if there’s an upside to free falling, it’s the chance you give some other people to catch you, if there’s any.
Yes, I just have to look these things in general public, the right place for me to be. I should never underestimate the stupidity of them. I should wake up from any dreams and I have to realize from myself that I can never escape the reality; I can never overcome the truth, because the truth will always be the periods and the commas to all of my uttered sentences, phrases and words. But I’ll always leave the backdoor open, for every time I am shattered all over again, I can always escape the truth and run to the fraud, for me to cope up again, and put a happy face to everyone. To be strong and think for myself and not just to blindly follow the crowd and accept their approach. I am myself, and I can’t take the definition of others of my life, I have to define myself, cause I’m the only one who can understand myself enough, leaving me without explanations at all. But I won’t stop seeking the world I want to be, the world inside me. For this is the end and the start, the whole and the part, the best and the test in it, the doubt and the trust in it, that’s the gift and the trick of it. I am the truth and the lie of it.
Sometimes I find the understanding of myself relevant, even it is a futile thing for me to be aware of. Because no one and nothing can free me but my own understanding. Inside of me, I have the longing to be understood by someone who really cares, because a person who is understood can put up anything in this world. People now just have to judge one another without the frontal questions and thinking. And I’m afraid if everyone would just wouldn’t believe me, or trust me after I explain everything.
At these moments, I’m physically and mentally alone. I know that, and I don’t want to share my thought because I know, no one wants to come with me whenever I have to do whatever thing is on my mind. It has been an exclusive tour. Somebody find it hideous, ridiculous, but I find it so much fun and adventurous. Distorting reality is first and foremost, a backdoor to all the fierceness life can offer. It is the escapegoat to all the things not good, for even just in an hour, I can be the actor of my own show, the protagonist of my own world, the director of my own program, the playwright of my own production.
But I have to leave it, the limelight off, the red curtains dropping down, and as I held my breath and close my eyes, the show stops, and face the world where I am suppose to live. The world I am officially and legally belong to. The world where you face all the tests and disputes because no matter how you put it, you’re gonna fall and it’s scary as hell. Except, if there’s an upside to free falling, it’s the chance you give some other people to catch you, if there’s any.
Yes, I just have to look these things in general public, the right place for me to be. I should never underestimate the stupidity of them. I should wake up from any dreams and I have to realize from myself that I can never escape the reality; I can never overcome the truth, because the truth will always be the periods and the commas to all of my uttered sentences, phrases and words. But I’ll always leave the backdoor open, for every time I am shattered all over again, I can always escape the truth and run to the fraud, for me to cope up again, and put a happy face to everyone. To be strong and think for myself and not just to blindly follow the crowd and accept their approach. I am myself, and I can’t take the definition of others of my life, I have to define myself, cause I’m the only one who can understand myself enough, leaving me without explanations at all. But I won’t stop seeking the world I want to be, the world inside me. For this is the end and the start, the whole and the part, the best and the test in it, the doubt and the trust in it, that’s the gift and the trick of it. I am the truth and the lie of it.
No comments:
Post a Comment